Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
