i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
