I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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