So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days