Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole