kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
