Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
