you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize