Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
