so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
