btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
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