Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
