I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
