you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
