What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize