I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
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Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
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Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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