I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Success! We fucked roommates!
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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