I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
