their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
