what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
