Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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