It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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