Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
