i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
