you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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