Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
