if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
