He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
