YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
