You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
