Someone shit on the floor
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
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