he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
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at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
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woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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