the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
