Having a random hookup so left but love u
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
My ass is underappreciated
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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