i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
