last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize