Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
