We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
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