dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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