once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
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She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
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Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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