I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Also, beer. Big fan.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
