I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Randomize
