So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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