So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
