We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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