break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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