When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
