she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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