I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
