all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
