we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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