Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
