Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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