i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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