I'm gonna have a badass scar
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
The power of my boobs compel you
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
