Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Randomize