that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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