It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
