Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
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i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
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I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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