hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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