I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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