woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
