I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
