and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
My liver is preforming stress tests.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
