she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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