There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
