smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
