so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
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