I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
