Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
