she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
