I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
