He uses pillows to masturbate.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
